I don't know

At this point in my life I am just angry. About all of it. That I had to fight this disease. That my daughter will lose her mother. That we had to live this life because when she was a baby I promised her I would give her the best life possible. Then cancer stole that opportunity from me. I am angry because I didn't get to live up to my full potential. I am fuming.

I wanna scream from the rooftops "It's not fair!"  I could have been doing so many other things. So many opportunities gone. 

I am getting close to my end, I think. I don't have a sixth sense about this but the way my cancer is out taking names lately I feel like I don't have much time left. It is in my liver, lungs,  brain, bones, chest. So many places. And who knows what they will tell me next.  I can not take it. 

Not only that but I only have one fully working arm and one fully working leg now. I need help with everything. My mom comes over three times a day now. Because I need her help. Again, it is not fair!!  

I don't know what I want anymore. Don't know. Do I want to live? Do I want to die?  I don't know. 

Xoxoxo,

Shannon